Stuck in the Past

I was watching a show a couple days ago that really reminded me of my past career. Usually t.v. shows don't portray the work I was in very accurately, so I don't like to watch them. However, this show did such a good job that it brought me right back to where I used to work and brought back a lot of memories. And I began revisiting pains of the past; some regrets, a little anger, disappointments, and just old wounds. I watched probably about three episodes over a couple days, before I realized this show was putting me in a bad mood. So I started thinking about why I was feeling this way and I realized it probably isn't a good idea for me to watch this show anymore.

Now the show itself isn't much of a positive show anyways and I wouldn't recommend anyone watch it for "good" recreational television. But, the show itself isn't exactly the culprit. Watching it, made me realize I tend to get stuck in the past. The last couple days I have felt like I am dragging negativity with me because the show rekindled some negative memories for me. Years ago I struggled with my past. I couldn't move on with my life because I truly was stuck in the past. I thought I moved on from that problem, but I clearly still struggle with it. I am thankful I am not where I used to be, I used to not even live in my present. I missed out on many years of enjoying my children when they were babies/toddlers because of that very issue.

I heard a song this morning while dropping the kids  off at school. The lyrics say, "You make me new." The lyrics talk about being a new creation in Jesus Christ. In essence, God is making us new. In that moment listening to the song, I thought to myself: "God isn't making me new. Because look how I get stuck in my past. I am bitter and I haven't forgiven those people." Which brings me to where I am at right now. I am simply a work in progress. I want to say I am new, but I am not new yet. And I likely won't be new until I am in heaven "fully new" and fully in God's presence. The show brought me to memories where I have been hurt, and ultimately I haven't forgiven many of those people who have hurt me. As a Christian, we are called to forgive. I wish I could say I am quick to forgive, but I am not. I guess it is a hindrance in my faith walk.

Well, time to get back on track and focus on my new goals. Leaving my past in the past, helps me move forward. I am moving forward because I learned from my past, I am thankful for that.